The Machinations of Machismo are soon to become the 10th wonder of the world. I am not afraid to comment on any subject and gladly welcome any intelligent machinations of your own. Its time the world had a taste of true justice, dished out Machismo style.

Thursday, April 29, 2004

For You Medical Ho's Out There


Dan's "Revenge"

To quote our esteemed boss, "Brad, you are one sick puppy."

Oh, and fuck you. I will destroy you. Only God can judge me. Certainly not you, you fucking crypto-scientology worshipping free-mason pigfucking mexican freedom fighter.

The bombing starts in 5 minutes.



Bwahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahhahahhahaahhahaahahhahaahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peon.

Wow I think I hit a nerve with this one.

Dan I love you........ Muwah! (Bleah that tasted like beer and dirty hooker cooch)!

The 200 Mile High Club

In the First World War, frontline troops who were away from their loved ones for long periods famously had bromide put into their tea to reduce the distraction of their sexual drive. But yesterday it was suggested that such measures might be taken a lot further - to Mars, in fact.

Dr Rachel Armstrong, speaking yesterday at a British Interplanetary Society symposium on the Human Future and Space, said the US space agency Nasa was considering how to deal with the natural urges of astronauts travelling on long journeys such as a three-year trip to Mars, where the six-strong crew would be likely to include two women.

"Nasa is talking about the chemical sterilisation of astronauts on longer journeys," Dr Armstrong said, in a talk discussing the problems humanity may face in trying to reach the planets and, eventually, the stars.

Nasa was nonplussed by the suggestion yesterday. "I haven't heard anything about that," said a spokesman at Nasa's Johnson Space Centre, where the long-range trips announced by President George Bush in January are being planned.

But that denial may hide a reluctance, in a nation where the showing of a nipple on national television provokes a religious outcry, to discuss the rather delicate subject of sex in space. Certainly, some scientists believe it is a topic that should be dealt with head on. Douglas Powell, a psychology professor at Harvard University who was recruited in 1999 by Nasa to investigate the behavioural needs of long-term space trips, said: "Like anywhere, these are normal healthy people in their prime and they are sexually active so they are going to get involved with each other. So what's going to happen in space? It's a serious question and it needs to be confronted."

Unusually for a space issue, it is one where physical problems would not arise, as the presence or absence of gravity doesn't affect body mechanics.

But scientists such as Professor Powell are concerned that the emotional fallout from having a crew where some are happier than others, or where relationships are made and then fall apart, could be disastrous. He noted the comments of one Russian cosmonaut about time spent cooped up in the Mir space station that "when you have two people locked up in a very small environment for months at a time, all the conditions for murder are met." Mix in sex, and you almost have the script of Othello in space.

Other scientists have suggested that the best way to ensure there is no interplanetary interplay is to crew the mission with astronauts over the age of 50. "The idea is that they won't be worried about having families and concerned about getting exposed to radiation, because they're getting towards the end of their useful working lives," explained Peter Bond, a British expert on space matters.

"Alongside that is the idea that the ideal Mars mission would have - in Star Trek terms - two Mr Scotts and two Mr Spocks, and definitely no Captain Kirks, or Mr Sulus, or Dr McCoys. You need the Scotts to do the engineering stuff, and the Spocks to do the science. You don't need a Kirk because all he does is issue orders - and kiss any woman in sight."

Extraterrestrial entanglement is a topic that has been surrounded by rumour for years. In 2000, a French author, Pierre Kohler, claimed that a "confidential Nasa report" in 1996 showed that two astronauts had joined the 200-mile-high club at the agency's behest as part of tests to see how long humans could survive in space.

Nasa angrily denied the claim, pointing out that the text claiming to be the report was an internet posting containing grammatical and factual errors. Similarly, there were allegations that Russia claimed a space first in 1982 when Svetlana Savitskaya shared the Salyut 7 space station with two Russian male colleagues. Online postings say there were "experiments" to try to conceive the first space child. But there is no independent confirmation of this; instead Savitskaya, who was the second woman in space, and the first to carry out a space walk, says in her memoirs that the two male cosmonauts "welcomed me at the hatch with an apron". She threw it aside and "established a working relationship".

But the push towards Mars raises more difficult questions that Nasa will have to deal with - even though it has always preferred to push sex as far down the agenda as humanly possible.

Interestingly, there is no Nasa ban on sex between crew members. "We depend and rely on the professionalism and good judgement of our astronauts," said a Nasa spokesman in 2000. "There is nothing specifically or formally written down."

And that may be part of the problem. A crew heading to Mars would potentially be away for three years: six months travelling out, two years on the Red Planet waiting for the Earth to come back into alignment for the six-month trip back.

The psychological strains of such a trip would be huge, noted Dr Joanna Wood of Nasa's National Space Biomedical Research Institute, who compares it with the isolation experienced by scientists in Antarctica. But they have the comparative luxury that they can be rescued if necessary. With a Mars trip, there comes a point of no return determined by fuel and the planets' positions.

"Interpersonal relations is a big issue, but we leave sexual stuff to the discretion of the individuals," said Dr Wood.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Jesus Christ Action Figure

Go ahead, throw the first stone!

Now this...... well its hilarious!

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Oh Happy Day!

This is some of the greatest news I have received all year!

Check it out.

Monday, April 26, 2004

An Ode To Dan

Dan, just in case you didn't like my last post...................here you go.

On A Side Note

Dan, you are a peon.

Based solely on the fact that you'll:

a) laugh when you read this.
b) you become so "e-worked up" the first time I called you a peon
c) no one really gives a shit either

So to sum up, Dan, you are a Peon, with a capital Kitty.

Kill A Kitten

Something told me this was worth looking at, and pondering.



On another note, here is the original link that the source of the image contains.

Fat Fucks

Ok now this doesn't really piss me off.... but it should. Damnit that alone pisses me off!

Well the story is, a couple (presumably fat) are on the Atkins diet. They decide to eat at a restaraunt, eat a lot of food, and are asked to leave. Now after reading the story I believe the restaraunt is well within their rights to do so.

Now there was no mention of the couples weight, but after 12 plates of beef...... you are a sea-donkey, get over it!

Read about it here.

Found This Funny

Video - Girls Are Stupid

Well, this is definitely interesting.

Never did I ever think a bunch of drunken men would rather light a girls bare ass on fire..... than to....... well........ do something else.

See what I mean.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Wrestling Fans Might Like This News

Ted Turner Speaking With Austin & Goldberg About New Federation

Thanks to Dave Scherer and Pwinsiders for the following:

There are strong rumblings and reports that Ted Turner may be getting back in the wrestling game by sending out feelers to both Steve Austin & Bill Goldberg about a new promotion that could possibly air on TBS.

Turner of course was the owner of WCW when they attracted such stars as Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, & Scott Hall to compete head to head with the WWE. After the merger with AOL/Time Warner, WCW was then pretty much put on the shelf and later sold.

Turner has a no-compete clause with AOL as far as wrestling goes which ends in March of 2005, so that would be when the federation could come together. As stated earlier, Turner seems to be laying the foundation on what he hopes will be a return of wrestling to TBS sometime next year.

A Post Of Random Pics (I can capitalize the "O" in of if I damn well please grammartards)




The Perfect Shirt

Now of course you've noticed that my posts as of late are merely links...


If you don't like this....

Go across the street, but a straw, and suck it....... as they say...... THE FUCK UP!!

Now here is another link, to funny shit of course. Link to funny shit.

Virtual Paper Airplane

How far can you throw it?

Feminists. Please Watch.

Feminists, please watch this. It is a great example of what all of your bitching and moaning will accomplish.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

The Amazing Calf of Hilarity

Amazing Calf

This needs no explanation.

Monday, April 19, 2004

It's Utterly Tittilating

Tittilating.

Enough said.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Proof That Parents Can Be Idiots

Honestly, who is REALLY to blame? Honestly.

Penis Explodes During Sex

Penis explodes during sex.

Amazing, Simply Amazing

Well, this is definitely a new way to look at ASCII text.

"Not Porn"

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Kids Stealing Food From School

Parents need to learn to be a good provide BEFORE they decide to have sex. These kids are suffering because some idiot decided that "my 5 min pleasure is better than being able to take care of the child that comes as a result of said pleasure".

No more can be said without me wanting to shoot someone in the face with a shotgun.

-Litos

The "Reverse Lyric" Trick

To any of those who actually give a damn, there is a site recently brought to my attention that says "Stairway To Heaven" is endorsing Satanism, through reverse lyrics.

To any who actually care, here is the link.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Dry Water

I just found this to be rather intriguing, please read on.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Fuck Off

I just figured out how to solve a ton of this countries "diversity" problems. Take the "ethnicity" and "sex" questions off of applications/scholarships/questionaires/etc. unless it 100% needs to be geared towards a demographic (i.e. a tampon, you pig-monkey turds). This way people will stop their endless bitching about "that was racial discrimination". No it was idiot discrimination you fucking douchebag, deal with it. Go hump a redneck's daughter or something and quit trying to waste our time. You want to be represented equally, affirmative action isn't the way. Getting a fucking education and becoming equally qualified is. Oh but what is that you say, "I can't get into school because I'm too stupid." Well you should have thought of that before. I'm better at what I do therefor I should get hired. Period. Now fuck off you whiney tree hugging bitches.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

A Two For One Offer

Here is a great site when you just need some hilarity. Just go to SubservientChicken.com, and for the most part, he actually does what you tell him to. ("Pee on the couch." works great and is funny to watch.)



On another note....

For those of you who send out the "Chain Emails"....

Here is a good one that I bet you haven't seen yet. QUICK! Pass it on to all your friends!!! If you don't you'll have bad luck for, like........ forever!

Video Games Help Make Better Surgeons

A recent study has showed that surgeons who are gamers, are 33% better at what they do than non-gaming surgeons

In you face you anti-video game assclowns.

Monday, April 05, 2004

As Smart as a Bag of Asshair....

Recently I read something on the internet in the form of a blog that had real merit to it. It was a rant on a blog of a friend of mine, who is quite intelligent mind you, complaining that certain people are idiots. These people, namely the people on the IT staff at Hillsdale College, who were responsible for the great "FTP Blackout of '04", should be ashamed of themselves for this slip up. As funny as it was to read my buds post about the punistic FTP blunder, it was even funnier to learn that someone took offense to said post.

In response to the person that complained that "I am offended!"

You are a fucking moron. What kind of person gets so worked up over someone's opinion on the internet? Are you not smart enough to realize that everything that you read/hear/talk about should be taken with a grain of salt? The fact that someone says something is pure evidence that it is their opinion, not fact. However in your case I beleive I can make an exception and say that I hope you get raped by an elephant. Not only would that be utterly uncomfortable, but if you are female, just think of the cross species "pollentation" that might arise out of that one. Seeing the tears of pain on your face would bring a smile to mine. Speaking of which, you are probably the type of person that will see a dog sitting happily outside its master's house and think "Oh my god, that dog is in peril, I had better go pet it and give it water before it becomes even more uncomfortable sitting outside in mildly cold weather with its warm fur coat. Never mind that it is panting (a definite indication that said dog is hot), it needs some water and if I don't do it, then the dog may surely die!" To this I say, "How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?.......... It depends how hard you throw them."

Or have I offended you yet? If that is the case, I'm going to pee in your ear, perhaps the sterility of my urine will clean out the massive hole between your ears and at least fill it with something. I will now have to make a sacrifice to the god's of impunity just because your feeble ass decided that something that was totally voluntary for you to read offended you. Well I have more news for you, if you don't like it once, don't read it again.

On that note I must say, I am deeply offended by your stupidity and selfishness in thinking that because YOU are offended then the "so-called offensive" material must be removed. Satan forbid the world doesn't revolve around you and your whole ideology. Since I am so deeply offended, I calmly administer this request that you remove yourself from this plane of existence, seeing as your whole being is just another thing that will offend me and my impunistic lifestyle. Which reminds me of another saying: "Which is easier to remove from a dumpster, a ton of bricks or a ton of babies?.....................Babies, because you can use a pitchfork."

The word of the day is: Smegma.

That gives me an idea. To the person that was "offended" by my friends blog, you are hereby known as "Smegma-man". I hope you enjoy your new title. I'm sure you'll have to look it up as I doubt someone of your intellectual wit will have the brain capacity to remember the meaning of the word smegma. My advice to you is to write it down so that everytime someone says it to you, you can remind yourself just what the hell they are talking about.

I think I recognize who this person is, if you are a female.... you must be Susan, right?

Also there is only one thing left to do now.........I'm going to fuck your mother.

Why I Believe That Activists Are Fucking Stupid (Not ALL Mind You)

There are times when activists need to learn when to just shut the fuck up, and leave people alone. After reading this article, tell me what justifies this woman going onto someone's property because a dog "looked" like it was abused.

Here is the article.

There are seriously people thinking that the man (who is a lawyer/attorny) is an asshole for doing this. I have news for you, my dog spends more time outside just chilling, even in the winter, he loves snow. Now if you trespass on my property you will be handed your ass, thank you very much, asstard.

The Medium is In the Message

I remember as a child that my parents would constantly be discouraged that I opted to play video games instead of reading a book at times. Which is something that never fully made sense to me. Why do we read books? To relax and enjoy ourselves while being entertained by a good story, am I right? Why do we play games? I know that I play games to relax and enjoy myself while being entertained by a good story or gameplay, sometimes both. So what is it that makes these two different mediums of "relaxation entertainment" so inherently different? I believe I have found the answer, and it is: The Medium is In the Message.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

How to Break Up With Your Girlfriend.....

I found this online the other day, and just the sheer audacity of it is hilarious....

"Dear Susan :

I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says...

"There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean?

Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some ****ling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me.

It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.

She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She’s pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us.

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the remote control is.

John"


So ladies, next time you think your bf "broke your heart", just think of how getting this letter would feel.