The Machinations of Machismo are soon to become the 10th wonder of the world. I am not afraid to comment on any subject and gladly welcome any intelligent machinations of your own. Its time the world had a taste of true justice, dished out Machismo style.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Idiot Editorial

The Lima News - Editorial
Amazing, simply amazing.

Friday, December 19, 2003

Beatbox Harmonica, Simply Amazing

Beatbox Harmonica, has to be seen to be believed.

IOL : Latvian most drunk man in the world - ever

IOL : Latvian most drunk man in the world - ever

Online gamer in China sues over virtual theft - News at GameSpot

Online gamer in China sues over virtual theft - News at GameSpot

"The company also argued that the virtual property existed only in the game, and essentially amounted to little more than data as far as its operating companies were concerned."

Ok so if its only meaningless data, just restore it and everyone is happy. Mindless pricks.

The Onion | Nation's Educators Alarmed By Poorly Written Teen Suicide Notes

The Onion | Nation's Educators Alarmed By Poorly Written Teen Suicide Notes

The Onion | Couple Upstairs Going At It Again

The Onion | Couple Upstairs Going At It Again

The Onion | Non-Widescreen Version Of DVD Received As Hanukkah Gift

The Onion | Non-Widescreen Version Of DVD Received As Hanukkah Gift

BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Sperm donors rush for Australia holiday offer

BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Sperm donors rush for Australia holiday offer

Retrosexual?

PbNation - Retrosexual?: "After searching and searching for my sexual identity. I finally discovered it and I can no longer keep it in the closet. I am here to openly announce that I am a Retrosexual.

My Retrosexuality is defined by the following Retrosexual code:

A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DAMN DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with Crap. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you F-ING DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with Crap" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for poontang. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little wuss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH CRAP. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. Buck up!

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a F-ing windsor knot when wearing a tie.

A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That crap is gay. However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and drinking heavily is just fine.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual's rear end is an exit ramp on the road of life. Ladies, contrary to what Cosmo says, spontaneously sticking a finger back there is a good way to be launched off the bed (or if Hooters hotwings have been recently consumed, lose a finger). Make you a deal, we won't mess with yours unless you want us to, and you won't mess with ours period.

A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygine products if he has to, but only under protest. This falls under unpleasant things you have to F-ing DEAL with. Get some Hagen-Daas while your at it.

A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.

A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has F-ing gin and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch??

A Retrosexual has a duty to make sure that an injured buddy recieves immediate and adequate medical attention for serious injuries. After said wounds are cared for, the Retrosexual must be merciless in giving his friend crap about being a dumbarse and getting hurt in the first place.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, or are trying to make up for a small penis. Massage and cunnilingus skills are the way to make up for a small penis, guns are F-ing TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with Crap. Plus it's just damnned fun to shoot."

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

We want Van Buren (Fallout 3) Petition

We want Van Buren (Fallout 3) Petition
Go here, sign the petition, say you want Fallout 3 to happen, end of story.

Thanks

American Idol for PlayStation 2 at GameSpot

American Idol for PlayStation 2 at GameSpot
Some game developers deserve to be shot. Curse you infidels!

Monday, December 15, 2003

GameSpotting: Gaiden

GameSpotting: Gaiden.

New legislation in California, if passed, would put selling M-Rated Video games to minors in the same league as selling pornography to minors. Essentially a clerk could spend a year in jail for selling his 16 year old buddy a copy of Grand Theft Auto, same as if he sold him Debbie Does Dallas.

Sunday, December 14, 2003

MSNBC - How We Got Saddam

MSNBC - How We Got Saddam
Oh happy day!

Friday, December 12, 2003

Umlaut Toughness

VOLUME 31 ISSUE 16 — 29 APRIL 1997
Ünited Stätes Toughens Image With Umlauts
WASHINGTON, DC—In a move designed to make the United States seem more "bad-assed and scary in a quasi-heavy-metal manner," Congress passed a bill Monday changing the nation's name to the Ünited Stätes of Ämerica. "Much like Mötley Crüe and Motörhead, the Ünited Stätes is not to be messed with," said Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK). An upcoming redesign of the Ämerican flag will feature the new name in burnished silver wrought in a jagged, gothic font and bolted to a black background. A new national anthem is also in the works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and tentatively titled "Howl Of The She-Demon."

The Gay Gene

VOLUME 31 ISSUE 13 — 8 APRIL 1997
Gay Gene Isolated, Ostracized
BALTIMORE—On Friday, scientists at Johns Hopkins University isolated the gene which causes homosexuality in human males, promptly separating it from normal, heterosexual genes. "I had suspected that gene was queer for a long time now. There was just something not quite right about it," team leader Dr. Norbert Reynolds said. "It's a good thing we isolated it—I wouldn't want that faggot-ass gene messing with the straight ones." Among the factors Reynolds cited as evidence of the gene's gayness were its pinkish hue, meticulously frilly perimeter, and faint but distinct perfume-like odor.

Sex bracelets: are they for real?

Sex bracelets: are they for real? Yet another example of how idiotic the "adults" in this country can be. Real smart there jackasses, discredit yourselves even more. Half of these kids wouldn't even know about sex if you would just keep your stinking mouths shut.

Toward a Brain-Internet Link

Toward a Brain-Internet Link, I believe I'm almost drooling in anticipation!

nbc5i.com - Holidays - Holiday Ad Has Hidden Hate Message

nbc5i.com - Holidays - Holiday Ad Has Hidden Hate Message

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Haven't you heard.... I'm Capt. Jack Sparrow.



Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?

No-Contact Jacket

No-Contact Jacket
Well isn't this lovely, now instead of women learning how to protect themselves, they just got lazy and now have an option to wear unattractive black jackets, with electricity.

"OOooooh so exciting!"
-Blade (Blade II)

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Take Two self-censoring Vice City - PC News at GameSpot

Take Two self-censoring Vice City - PC News at GameSpot

The damn PC Groups are winning again. What is this world coming to. But they used a general word in a video game. SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PANSIES!!

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Mario, Superstar

Mario, our long beloved portly plumber, has become a part of the Hollywood Wax Museum. Full details here.

Monday, December 08, 2003

Video Games... It's About Time

Video games have received flak for apparently corrupting our children and providing a bad influence. Well the IEMA has stepped up to the plate and istituted a carding system on M rated (17+) games at all of its affiliates. Read the full story here.

Friday, December 05, 2003

Our Wonderful Senate:

Senate Votes 64-36, Not Sure On What
WASHINGTON, DC—The U.S. Senate voted 64-36 in favor of S. 546 Monday, despite the lack of any awareness of the bill's contents. "Wait a minute—S. 546?" asked Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND), hurriedly shuffling through a stack of papers after hearing of the bill's passage. "I tend to just vote with Maria Cantwell [(D-WA)], but apparently, she just voted with Thomas Carper [(D-DE)]. Does anybody know what's in S. 546?! Oh, geez." Conrad said he isn't certain, but that he might remember someone mentioning something about the Bend Pine Nursery Land Conveyance Act.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Surprise of a lifetime.

A mechanic's biggest surprise.

PETA should change their name to IDIOTS

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) are idiots. Here's why.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

The Pussification of the Western Male

The Pussification of the Western Male.